![]() ![]() And it should definitely sometimes be you. Sometimes your child's needs will determine the direction you go in. Think about your new family as an amoeba, or a cloud, or cats in a pillowcase, and everyone is going to push and pull at the edges in different directions and levels of need at different times. It's hard to parse out meaningful impact and it's tinny and flimsy and just serves to torture you. In a safe and loving environment, your baby will thrive. Your child will be absorbed into a caring community, make friends from a very early age, and they'll see you also with a fully realized life that exists inside and outside of your home. If you're excited about your daycare, and you like their curriculum and their administration, and the teachers are well supported enough to be enthusiastic about their work, your child will have the opportunity to make their own friends, foster trust with loving caretakers, explore and learn new things on their own, and benefit from projects and lessons most nannies or parents couldn't possibly have the bandwidth to structure on their own. There are just so many mile a minute memories being made, your brain simply cannot hold onto all of it in a coherent stream (take pictures!!). I'll repeat-even if you had your child at your side all day long, their growth and funny moments and defeating moments will still all fade into a pleasing, tired blur. You won't be able to hold onto every moment, even if you had your baby by your side 24/7, and I think we should spend a lot more time culturally talking about how not-so-great it is for a parent or a child to be kept close abreast 24/7 anyhow. In turn, it makes the whole system better. I hope I can be a sort of ghost from the future telling you that your household is a system, and actions should be determined by what's best for that system. It's maybe galling where you are right now to envision not putting your child first, and maybe it feels like making space for your career is at odds with prioritizing your baby. It's easy to turn to respected reading material, and data, to try to separate the wheat from the chaff in terms of guidance and orienting yourself. You'll always still be getting your sea legs because every time you start to figure things out is right about the time your child starts changing again. I'm projecting based off my own experience, but when I was where you are, it was hard not to try to intellectualize how to be the best parent, how to do this right because so much of it is still so theoretical and you're still getting your sea legs. You're so new on this parenthood journey and everything hits especially hard. We've had exceptional experiences and our kids are delightful (and exasperating, and exhausting, but also fascinating, and well adjusted). Both have been attending daycare centers since they were 16 weeks and 10 weeks respectively. I’m just sad and don’t know that there’s anything can make it feel any less sad□ I’m not sure I’d feel any better with a nanny honestly. I am now aware of the research that long hours for young children is not ideal I work long hours, and damn I work hard to leave as early as possible to minimize his daycare hours but my LO is there from 7ish to 5ish each day every day. The problem is I just can’t shake the mom guilt. We found an on-site employee daycare that had the states highest quality rating (I liked the idea of kids parents being around), they had low ratios (1:4 is lower than the minimum in my state) and they seem to frequently have 1:2-3 ratios when you check their state spot inspections. ![]() I felt more comfortable with a team of people.Īnyway, we did our best to find the best center we could. No judgment to anyone’s choices but my big concern was having someone alone with him. We’re super fortunate to be able to consider a nanny but we went with daycare because-just being completely honest-most friends had very positive daycare experiences even with their very young ones and I had some friends with bad nanny experiences. We made our childcare plans early in my pregnancy (cause you have to) and we decided in daycare. My LO is 3.5 months and I have a pretty demanding career. ![]()
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